I’m definitely less obsessed with food at the moment. Obviously I still think about it more than your ‘average’ person, but not thinking about how many grams of oats I had this morning, or how many calories my lunch sandwich is (food doctor bread, tomato humous, romaine. Yum!), or obsessively counting how many cups of tea I’m having at work so I can record the calories in the soya milk and agave. I think I’m slowly getting there. Thinking about what I want to eat, what is going to feel good and satisfy me. Not being “on a diet” has done wonders in terms of “good” and “bad” food. I’ve had a box of booja booja truffles in the kitchen for over a fortnight, unopened. Last night I bought some dark chocolate covered marzipan, and I know at some point I’ll want a bit, with a cup of tea. Usually that would have been shoved down in the car on the way home, or in the car on the way to work, or I’d eat the whole thing tonight in a desperate binge so I could “start again” tomorrow. It’s really quite liberating. And I don’t find myself eating huge amounts of things or really unhealthy stuff. It’s all quite moderate really. I think the huge worry with quitting dieting is that I’d eat all those “bad” foods all the time – I’d fall into a bag of salt and vinegar crisps, and a box of cereal, and never come out again. But hey, turns out the book is right (IE that is – oh,and the CDs, which I listen to in my car. Brilliant) – that behaviour is caused by dieting.
Obviously it’s not all perfect or plain sailing. I still have moments where I wish I was smaller and less bumpy. But then I remember how free I am, and I’m going to be like this for the rest of my life, and it’s only going to get better. Going on a diet would be a backwards step, and it would take me in a direction I don’t deserve to go in.
Obviously I’m not the perfect intuitive eater, far from it. I’ve had mini-binges (i.e. 2 huge bowls of cereal rather than one, eating past the point of fullness), and eaten to uncomfortably full on food which didn’t make me feel great (chip shop chips), or eaten more of a great food than was sensible because I was bored at work and they were nice (cashew nuts). But each time I do something like this, I learn. I learn and I take the lessons forward with me into the rest of my life.
My main point of focus at the moment is hunger. I struggle with it. Weekends are easier because I find it far easier to listen to my body, but when I’m at work it is hard. Snacks are a wonderful work avoidance tactic. Or boredom avoidance. Or something to go with the cup of tea I’m having. People around me snack all the time. But I need to listen to my hunger. I think it’s totally normal to need a snack in the morning; I’m up at 6, and generally have lunch at about 12.30/1ish, so it makes sense that I might need a little something to keep me going between breakfast and lunch. But I need to listen to my body, rather than looking at the time, or whether colleagues have deemed it “snack time” or if I want to avoid whatever ridiculous task I’m doing at my desk.
I was listening to the IE CDs in the car on my way to work. She said something to the effect of “if you don’t start eating when you’re hungry, how can you expect to stop eating when you’re full?”. So true. I need to really get in tune with what hunger and fullness is.
I’m much more inclined to look after myself in all ways when I don’t smoke. Plus I can actually understand when I’m hungry etc.
